Ache - the only word I can best describe how my right leg has been feeling the past few days. It's not a sharp pain, it doesn't throb (too much), it just aches (maybe that should be ache with a capital A).
My recovery (it's been 4 weeks already) from back surgery has gone about as expected plus or minus a few unexpected bodily reactions (ugh....) but the right leg pain has been totally unexpected.
It's been sore from the first moment I remember waking up from surgery - my image was seeing the surgeon wrap it around my head to get it out of the way comes to mind. Since then, there's been good days and not so good days and then there was this morning.
I don't cry very easily - sad movies, Old Yeller getting shot, and the death of someone close will elicit some tears, most of Kevin Costner's movies (including Water World but for entirely different reasons) can be a spigot-opener and witnessing my children's birth required a Kleenex alert. But outside of that I can be pretty stoic. Today I cried because it just hurt and unless you've had something like this before it's hard to explain. It just hurt and it seemed like it was never going to get better. Once the pain meds and heating pad kicked in I was fine but there was a 15 minute period where I felt about as much dispair as I have in a long time - and that's the 3rd time in the past few weeks where this has happened.
When I visited the Doctor last week, they of course suggested to keep to taking the muscle relaxant prescribed (which of course I do) - not sure how much it helps but also don't know how bad it would get if I didn't take the med. They suggested heat or maybe ice - what ever might work best (thanks, that was pretty much not helpful). And they suggested walking as the best exercise. "What if I walk too much?" I asked. You'll get terrible cramps was the answer - yep, nailed that one too.
So that's the dilemma I'm in - I need to walk to continue healing the incision site but too much walking causes the leg to seize up. I guess the trick is to find the happy medium. The worst problem is that trying to sleep is very, very hard when you just can't get comfortable with the leg's position. Ask Donna how that was around 5 AM this morning? I finally just got up and went down stairs and once the meds kicked in was able to snooze on the couch for an hour or so.
I'm trying hard not to complain too much (all though that might be hard to believe since I've just written 6 paragraphs of complaining) but right now that whole idea of this surgery doesn't sound so good.
Patience is the key and I will continue to work on it - it would just be nice to get a sign or 5 of some good healing taking place. I'm not looking for much - maybe sleep past 6 AM one morning? Maybe walk like I'm less than 98 years old - just little things like that.
Again, I so appreciate the effort and optimism Donna continues to show. She is the rock of the family. The kids have been great about checking in on regular basis - their voices certainly lift my spirits. I am blessed and try to remind myself of that between bouts of self-pity!!
If your right leg doesn't hurt, do me a favor and take a quick jog around the block and thank your stars you have that mobility. I can't wait for my turn, in the meantime, when is it time for that next Valium????
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